Personal Operating Manual

Document your working style to help teammates collaborate with you effectively

Alisa Cohn
Scripts for navigating difficult conversations

Personal Operating Manual

"Nobody knows what's your operating style until you tell them. And the more you can showcase, the more everybody will be able to do it right for you and you'll be able to do it right for them." - Alisa Cohn

What It Is

A document where you articulate your working preferences, communication style, pet peeves, and what earns a "gold star" with you. It helps teammates understand how to collaborate with you effectively without trial-and-error.

The insight is simple: we all assume others work the way we do, but they don't. What feels like personality conflict or poor collaboration is often just unspoken preference mismatches. Making your operating style explicit saves everyone time and prevents unnecessary friction.

How It Works

A Personal Operating Manual answers key questions about your working style:

Communication Preferences

What communication style do you like best?

  • Direct and to the point?
  • Context and background first?
  • Written vs. verbal?
  • Formal vs. casual?

When I'm trying to reach you for something important, what's the best way?

  • Slack DM?
  • Text message?
  • Walk over and interrupt?
  • Email?
  • Calendar hold?

Work Style

How do you like to work?

  • Large uninterrupted blocks?
  • Meetings scattered throughout the day?
  • Early morning focus time?
  • Late night deep work?

What's your meeting preference?

  • Camera on or off?
  • Prepared agenda required?
  • Okay with ad hoc meetings?

What Earns a Gold Star

How can I earn a gold star with you?

  • Over-communicate progress on projects
  • Come with solutions, not just problems
  • Respect my focus time
  • Challenge my ideas constructively
  • Ship fast and iterate

This question is powerful because people want to know: "How do I do really well working with you?" Give them the answer.

Pet Peeves

What are your pet peeves?

  • Being surprised in meetings
  • Last-minute requests
  • Unclear asks
  • Not following up on commitments
  • Long emails that should be short

Surfacing pet peeves prevents avoidable friction. If I know you hate being surprised in meetings, I'll never blindside you with difficult information in front of others.

Delegation Style

What's your delegation style?

  • Check in with me regularly (weekly updates) as you work
  • Just let me know when it's done
  • I want to be involved in key decision points
  • Full autonomy once the goal is clear

This one prevents a lot of management friction. Some people feel micromanaged by weekly check-ins; others feel abandoned without them.

How to Apply It

  1. Write your own manual - Answer each question honestly. Be specific. Vague answers like "I'm flexible" don't help anyone.

  2. Share it proactively - Don't wait for someone to ask. Share it when you start working closely with someone new.

  3. Ask others for theirs - This works best as a mutual exchange. Request their manual when you share yours.

  4. Use it as a team activity - Have everyone on the team create and share their manuals. Discussion often surfaces surprising insights.

  5. Update it - Your preferences may change. Revisit annually or when you notice friction patterns.

Template Questions

  1. What communication channel should I use for urgent matters? Non-urgent?
  2. Do you prefer large uninterrupted work blocks or are you okay with meetings scattered throughout the day?
  3. What's one of your pet peeves I should know about?
  4. How can I earn a gold star with you?
  5. What's your delegation style—do you want regular check-ins or updates only when complete?
  6. When you're stressed or overwhelmed, how can I tell and what should I do?
  7. What's something people often misunderstand about you?

When to Use It

  • Onboarding a new team member - Share your manual and ask for theirs
  • Starting a new cross-functional collaboration - Set working norms early
  • After team friction - Often reveals unspoken expectation mismatches
  • Team offsites - Great activity for building understanding
  • New manager/report relationship - Accelerate the learning curve
  • Any relationship where assumptions are causing problems

The Payoff

When everyone understands each other's operating style:

  • You save conflict for things that actually matter
  • Small frustrations don't accumulate into resentment
  • People can collaborate at their best
  • You skip months of trial-and-error learning

Source

  • Guest: Alisa Cohn
  • Episode: "Scripts for navigating difficult conversations"
  • Key Discussion: (01:15:21 - 01:17:13) - Overview of the Personal Operating Manual
  • YouTube: Watch on YouTube
  • Resource: Download the template at alisacohn.com/lenny

Related Frameworks

  • Founder Prenup - Deeper alignment questions for co-founder relationships
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