Founder Prenup

Critical questions co-founders must discuss before starting a company together

Alisa Cohn
Scripts for navigating difficult conversations

Founder Prenup

"According to Noam Wasserman, 65% of startups fail because of conflict with founders or the founding team. So it's really essential to get this right, and I agree that people step into this relationship with a lot less care than they should." - Alisa Cohn

What It Is

A structured set of questions that potential co-founders should discuss before starting a company together. Like a marriage prenup, it surfaces potential conflicts and misalignments before they become company-ending disputes.

The core insight is that founding a company together is one of the most consequential decisions you'll make—comparable to marriage—yet most people approach it with far less care. They start with a cool idea and assume alignment, only to discover fundamental disagreements years later when unwinding is painful and expensive.

How It Works

The Founder Prenup covers five critical areas of alignment:

1. Values Clarification

What are your core values?

Use a values clarification exercise:

  1. Start with a list of 20 values (find lists online)
  2. Winnow down to 10
  3. Then to 3-5 that are truly core to you

Why it matters: Values that seem compatible can actually conflict. "Excellence" and "work-life balance" can coexist, but require explicit conversation about what each means and how you'll handle tensions between them.

Red flag example: One founder texts on weekends, expecting quick responses. The other doesn't respond until Monday. Without discussing values around work-life balance upfront, this becomes a festering conflict that poisons the relationship.

2. Vision of Success

When this company is successful, what does that look like?

Possible answers:

  • We're in control of our destiny, operating independently with freedom
  • A big venture outcome that we all read about
  • A sustainable lifestyle business
  • An exit within 5 years
  • Building a generational company

Why it matters: A founder who dreams of a small team where they know everyone's name will be miserable at a venture-scale company—and will resist growth decisions. If you're already venture-backed when you discover this misalignment, it's too late.

3. Conflict Style

How do you handle conflict? How does your spouse/partner say you handle conflict?

Ask someone close to you for their honest assessment. You might think you're enlightened about conflict, but those who live with you know better.

Conflict style examples:

  • "I want to talk about it immediately"
  • "I need time to process before discussing"
  • "I might resolve it myself without needing to discuss"
  • "I seethe until I'm ready to bring something up"

Why it matters: If you need to talk immediately and your co-founder needs processing time, you'll have conflict about the conflict—an unnecessary meta-layer of dysfunction.

4. Disagreement Resolution

How do we decide when we disagree?

Possible frameworks:

  • Person who cares most wins
  • Person with most relevant expertise wins
  • We alternate (you win this one, I win next one)
  • We bring in a tie-breaker (board member, advisor)
  • We default to a specific person's call for specific domains

Why it matters: Disagreement is guaranteed—you're smart people with different perspectives. That's healthy. What's unhealthy is not having a process for working through it. Establish the process before the heat of a real conflict.

5. Company Culture

What kind of company culture do I think is important?

Culture possibilities:

  • Family-like, where everyone loves being together
  • Results-focused, executing relentlessly
  • Learning-oriented, prioritizing growth
  • Scrappy and startup-y
  • Structured and process-driven

Why it matters: If one founder is pushing for family warmth while the other wants ruthless execution, employees experience two different companies depending on whose team they're on. This incoherence prevents scaling.

How to Apply It

  1. Schedule dedicated time - Don't try to cover these questions in passing. Set aside several hours or spread across multiple conversations.

  2. Write down your answers independently first - Then compare. This prevents one person's answers from influencing the other.

  3. Dig deeper on differences - If you have different answers, that's not automatically bad. But you need to understand the implications and how you'll handle them.

  4. Revisit annually - People change. Update this conversation regularly, especially after major company milestones.

  5. Be honest, not aspirational - Answer with how you actually are, not how you wish you were. Ask people close to you for input.

The Questions Summary

  1. What are your 3-5 core values?
  2. What does success look like when this company reaches its full potential?
  3. How do you handle conflict? (Ask your partner for their view too)
  4. How should we decide when we disagree?
  5. What kind of company culture do you think is important?

When to Use It

  • Before agreeing to co-found - The primary use case
  • Early in the co-founder relationship - If you skipped this step, do it now
  • At annual retreats - Values and visions evolve
  • When tensions emerge - Return to first principles
  • Before bringing on a third co-founder - Apply it to new additions too

Source

  • Guest: Alisa Cohn
  • Episode: "Scripts for navigating difficult conversations"
  • Key Discussion: (00:56:41 - 01:08:24) - Walkthrough of the Founder Prenup questions
  • YouTube: Watch on YouTube
  • Resource: Download the full questionnaire at alisacohn.com/lenny

Related Frameworks

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