Stakeholder One-on-One Limits

One-on-ones don't scale—know when they help and when they hide problems

Camille Fournier
The things engineers are desperate for PMs to understand

Stakeholder One-on-One Limits

"I think when your stakeholders just tell you in a one-on-one that they're happy or unhappy with things, your unhappy stakeholders aren't hearing that. So you may have one really unhappy stakeholder and five really happy ones and all you're saying to your unhappy one is, 'Well, everybody else is happy and they're not seeing it for themselves.'" - Camille Fournier

What It Is

This framework challenges the default assumption that more one-on-ones equal better relationships and better management. While one-on-ones with direct reports and your own manager should be held sacred, the proliferation of one-on-ones with peers, stakeholders, and cross-functional partners doesn't scale and can actually mask organizational problems.

The key insight is that one-on-ones scale linearly with relationships, so as companies grow, they become unsustainable. Worse, when used for stakeholder management, they can hide disagreements and prevent stakeholders from hearing each other's perspectives.

How It Works

One-on-ones you should protect:

  • Direct reports (weekly or bi-weekly)
  • Your manager (weekly or bi-weekly)
  • These should be "held sacred"

One-on-ones that don't scale:

  • Every peer in the organization
  • All stakeholders
  • All product and design partners
  • Cross-functional "relationship building" meetings

Why stakeholder one-on-ones can backfire:

  1. Information silos - Happy stakeholders don't know unhappy ones exist
  2. He-said-she-said dynamics - "Trust me, everyone else is happy" sounds whiny
  3. Hidden consensus - Teams can't build shared understanding
  4. Time drain - You're not actually productive, just ticking boxes

The uncomfortable truth:

"If that getting to know you, random, relationship building one-on-one is your comfort zone, I should probably do more of them. You should probably do fewer of them because you should always be pushing yourself to get out of your comfort zone."

Many managers default to one-on-ones because it feels productive without being risky. But spending all your time in one-on-ones may just be a way to avoid harder, more impactful work.

How to Apply It

Before scheduling a stakeholder one-on-one, ask:

  1. Do we really have something to discuss?
  2. Would a group forum serve this purpose better?
  3. Am I asking for their time because I need something, or out of habit?
  4. Does this person actually want to have this meeting?

Alternatives to one-on-ones for stakeholder management:

  • Group forums where stakeholders can hear each other
  • Slack channels for ongoing visibility
  • Regular stakeholder syncs or steering committees
  • Written updates that scale infinitely

Signs you're over-indexing on one-on-ones:

  • Your calendar is full of "catch-up" meetings with unclear agendas
  • You're playing telephone between stakeholders who should talk directly
  • Stakeholders are surprised by each other's positions
  • You feel productive but can't point to outcomes

When one-on-ones ARE valuable:

  • Direct management relationships
  • Building a new working relationship with genuine purpose
  • Processing sensitive information that can't be shared in groups
  • When someone specifically requests your time

When to Use It

  • When your calendar is overwhelmed with stakeholder meetings
  • When managing a platform team with many internal customers
  • When stakeholder conflicts keep emerging despite "good relationships"
  • When evaluating how you spend your management time
  • When coaching others who default to one-on-one everything

Source

  • Guest: Camille Fournier
  • Episode: "The things engineers are desperate for PMs to understand"
  • Key Discussion: (00:40:46) - The contrarian take on reducing one-on-ones
  • YouTube: Watch on YouTube

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